Working Together: The Art Of Making Friends

"The Laws of Connection

By David Robson

Pegasus, 320 pages, $29.95

Science writer David Robson has encouraging news for those who struggle to create meaningful bonds with others. In "The Laws of Connection: The Scientific Secrets of Building a Strong Social Network," he insists that people like and respect you more than you might think and that they are keenly interested in your deepest thoughts and feelings.

Mr. Robson isn't just being kind, although the book's tone is upbeat. His claims are rooted in recent studies in psychology and neuroscience, which he briskly summarizes. He also offers evidence that social connection is vital to mental health and longevity, suggesting that we ought to be as committed to cultivating relationships as we are to exercising or watching our diets.

"The Laws of Connection" features Mr. Robson's 13 principles for forming robust social ties. They include "praise people generously," "ask for help when you need it," and "be civil and curious in disagreements."

While some seem obvious, Mr. Robson, author of "The Intelligence Trap" and "The Expectation Effect," notes that we frequently neglect them. He writes: "Every time we engage with another person, we make decisions that could either bring greater understanding and affection, or continued distance and isolation. As a result of our brains' biases, we all too often choose the latter path."

One such bias is known as "the liking gap," which describes the tendency to leave social interactions assuming that the individuals we met liked us less than we liked them. Mr. Robson wants readers to unlearn this false perception and find the confidence to build on connections, an especially useful strategy in the workplace.

Small talk, the author warns, will not yield satisfying attachments. He directs readers, upon meeting someone, to "ignore superficial similarities and instead focus on your internal worlds, and the peculiar ways that your thoughts and feelings coincide." That might be a tall order for those whose conversational comfort zones are sports and the weather. For them, Mr. Robson offers not just science-based strategies but advice found in Jane Austen's 1813 novel, "Pride and Prejudice." When Mr. Darcy confesses to Elizabeth Bennet that he lacks "the talent which some people possess of conversing easily" with strangers, Elizabeth responds that he merely has to practice." [1]

1. REVIEW --- Books -- Shortcuts: Working Together: The Art Of Making Friends. Spindel, Barbara.  Wall Street Journal, Eastern edition; New York, N.Y.. 08 June 2024: C.9..