How to survive a bullying boss?

"We're talking about the very tyranny that, according to a recent Superjob survey, affects every second (42%) working person. True, the survey authors used a more concise term – abuse. Yes, an unpopular Anglicism today, but more understandable for describing these invisible tears.

 

For those allergic to foreign terms, let me explain: an abuser is a person who regularly uses violence (physical or psychological) against another person in order to establish power and control over them. This concept includes, among other unpleasant things, constant humiliation and manipulation. This definition is perfectly suited not only for clients of family therapy, but also for describing working relationships with bosses and colleagues. Yes, abuse, in our terms – psychological violence, happens not only in the kitchen or bedroom, but also in the workplace.

 

As usual, the category most suffering from the actions of bad bosses is women. 47% of women and 37% of men, respectively, complain about constant pressure from management. This doesn't surprise me, for example, because even in purely female professions, the leadership positions are mostly held by men. Off the top of my head: in schools, you can hardly find male teachers, but the principals are often men. In hospitals, nurses are women, doctors are mostly women, but the chief doctors are men. And so it is everywhere, even in the field of art – look at the artistic directors of theaters. Why this has happened and whether it's good or bad is a subject for a separate discussion; it's difficult to generalize here, but the numerical preponderance of abusive bosses becomes clear. These gentlemen sit in their high offices and humiliate their poor female subordinates – that's a brief summary of the survey results.

 

Unfortunately, I've also seen my share of these "beauties" during my working life. Only 20-25 years ago, nobody had ever heard of "abusers." A boss was expected to be rude or arrogant, inspire fear, crack vulgar jokes, lecture you about life, give toasts "to the lovely ladies" at corporate events, call you outside of working hours, demand overtime "for free," and express dissatisfaction in every possible way, including using foul language. I can't even count how many times my female colleagues and I cried in the restrooms because of this classic assortment of behaviors from a typical abuser. It's a shame that nobody told us back then that such behavior from a manager is not normal.

 

On the other hand, it really toughened our characters and made us immune to similar methods of influence and communication in the future. As they say, they try to scare us, but we're not afraid. And I also understood a very important fact: all male abusers are cowards. They don't fear women and show their true colors, but if a male subordinate enters the office of such a formidable boss, the tone instantly changes to a businesslike, almost friendly one. And the broader the shoulders and taller the subordinate, the more cordial the boss's voice becomes. Well, we are all animals, albeit social ones, and basic instincts haven't been abolished yet. The weak suffer first, the strongest survive.

 

It's very difficult to recognize a future tyrant during a job interview: the first impression, as we know, can be deceiving; the boss might smile sweetly at you, but their true face will only be revealed after weeks or months of working together. More than half of those surveyed cited harassment from their boss as a reason for quitting. Well, I must say, that's really strange. Of course, if your boss haunts your nightmares, then there's no way out, but if you like your job, you're doing it excellently, but everything is ruined by a certain Ivan Ivanovich, then you should think a hundred times before making any rash moves.

 

How to deal with an abuser? The very first piece of advice, hard-won over the years and tested on myself, is simply to stop being afraid of them. Such people sense your fear, they are attracted to the status of a victim, and tears give them satisfaction – that's why these managers attack again and again. You don't need to justify yourself, apologize, or react to their jokes. Very soon, Ivan Ivanovich will lose interest in you and switch to someone else.

 

An option for the brave of heart is to directly inform your boss that you don't like their style and behavior. Firing you isn't that easy if you're employed according to labor laws, and the abuser is unlikely to bother with that, although they might try to scare you for good measure.

 

There's also a third option – simply wait. Sooner or later, such a boss will be removed themselves – a bad character, poor upbringing, and hatred of people rarely combine with success and talent, so perhaps the wait won't be long.

 

However, if you don't like your job, your relationships with colleagues are strained, and the toxic environment, as it's now called, becomes unbearable, then there's nothing to think about. If you're lucky, your next boss will be better."