How to Host a Great Networking Dinner: For one thing, says Jon Levy, don't use the word 'networking'.

"When people think about networking events, a vision of large, crowded and unfruitful gatherings often comes to mind.

Jon Levy's take is different.

Levy, the author of "You're Invited: The Art and Science of Connection, Trust, and Belonging," has spent the past 13 years hosting what he calls "influencers" dinners for 12 guests. These events are aimed at bringing people together to forge professional ties, but they're also a way for people to make new friends and feel less lonely, he says.

He chooses attendees from a range of industries and gets them involved in joint activities that sometimes include cooking, and he asks them to rotate among each other during the event to maximize interaction.

The behavioral scientist encourages others to try hosting their own networking dinners. The benefits of one evening can be felt by hosts for years to come, he says, helping them stay top of mind within an extended network when opportunities arise. "By being a central community hub where people gather, you are more likely to be seen as an obvious choice to partner with," he says.

In a conversation with The Wall Street Journal, Levy shared his thoughts about how to build connections by hosting a networking event. Here are edited excerpts of that discussion.

WSJ: What's the biggest takeaway from your years of hosting?

LEVY: The biggest lesson is that people actually connect over a shared activity. During some of my events, we cook, and that shared effort causes them to bond faster. The dinner doesn't have to be the focus. It could be in addition to it -- for example, hosting a board-game night or having people paint or do arts and crafts.

WSJ: What are some things to consider when planning a get-together?

LEVY: Don't sweat the small stuff, flowers and all that. We focus too much on the perfect food or perfect seating arrangement. Nobody remembers the food.

The larger the table, the more I encourage people to move around. Most months, I host a lunch in L.A., New York and San Francisco where people stand up and rotate randomly. One of the most frustrating things is if you go to a dinner party and are at a larger table, and the person you want to talk to most is nowhere near you, and you are stuck.

WSJ: What are some of the details to remember the day of the event?

LEVY: Don't be afraid to put people to work, they'll appreciate the experience more and care more about it. You can even ask for help moving chairs or getting drinks or to welcome people and tell them where to put their bags. When people are on task, they feel like they are being useful. People often stress at the beginning. When the first guests arrive, it can be awkward. People don't remember the length of their enjoyment or lack of enjoyment. They remember the peaks of experiences and how they end. For the first few minutes, it may feel like a lot of pressure to entertain them, but it doesn't matter how it starts, it matters that it ends on a positive note.

WSJ: At your dinners, you ask people to stay away from sharing basic information about what they do for a living or who they are until they're seated. Why?

LEVY: When people are anonymous, they can't fall back on their previously templated conversation and resume. It takes them out of their comfort zone. They no longer have the status they are used to. Now they are having the conversations they have with their close friends. You are connecting with people, not titles. After we have bonded, people discover who they have been dining with. When I discover the person I have become friends with is an Olympian, a potential client or anything else, there isn't the awkwardness of, 'How do I approach this person?"

WSJ: How does connection occur when people share a vulnerability and others respond?

LEVY: It's called a vulnerability loop. Person 1 signals a vulnerability, for instance saying they have an infant and they don't have a clue as to what they are doing. Person 2 can either ignore or make fun of them, but then trust would be reduced. If Person 2 acknowledges how they can feel overwhelmed and mentions how they have felt overwhelmed raising kids or in some situation, trust can increase to that higher level. You have to be on the lookout when somebody signals vulnerability and close the loop.

If I don't see people signaling vulnerability, I might have to signal first. I might say, "Are any of you parents?" and I'll talk about kids..

WSJ: If you're hosting a dinner party with networking in mind, how would you compile the guest list?

LEVY: Start with loose ties -- somebody that you kind of know but are not necessarily close with. For example, someone you met at a conference who lives in the same city as you. I would start small. When you reach out you can say, "I'm bringing together six impressive entrepreneurs and here is an example of the people I tend to host." If you have eight to 10 people confirmed and two people cancel, you are in pretty good shape. Anything above 12 gets logistically more complex.

WSJ: Should you avoid using the word networking in your invite?

LEVY: People don't like to use the term networking. People view networking like I'm connecting with them to use them, but using the term friendship feels mutually beneficial. You can say, "I'm hosting a dinner to make friends in the industry or make friends with people across industries."

WSJ: How do you ensure things end on a positive note?

LEVY: Set an end time. It can make it easier for people to value the time they have together and prevent them from feeling obligated to be up late. You can also end with a speech about what an honor it was to have them here, or ask others if they have final words." [1]

1. C-Suite Strategies (A Special Report) --- How to Host a Great Networking Dinner: For one thing, says Jon Levy, don't use the word 'networking'. Dizik, Alina. 
Wall Street Journal, Eastern edition; New York, N.Y.. 18 Sep 2023: R.2.