What Is Magic Number For Close Friends? --- The number varies for people and changes in phases of life

 

 

“How many close friendships are enough? Are three to five ideal? Can one best friend be all you need? How about a dozen?

 

"The more, the merrier," says Vincent Day, who has separate clusters of close friends, some revolving around music, some around work, others from his kids' school and a half-dozen from high school. Day, who comes from a family of nine children, makes friends easily and values rich and varied ties.

 

"I call people all the time. I'm just one of those types of people," he says.

 

The number of people we consider close friends changes over time, peaking in our teens and early 20s and shrinking as we get busier with kids, work and aging parents. With less free time, we tend to become more selective about who we share it with, focusing on the most meaningful connections.

 

Many of us lose friends over time. People drift away, physically and emotionally.

 

Jeffrey Hall, professor of communications studies at the University of Kansas, doesn't have a magic friend number, but says there are downsides to extremes.

 

Having no friends can make a person terribly lonely. Having only one friend that you depend on for everything can leave a person floundering if something happens to that person.

 

On the other hand, "too many to keep track of and care for thins out your time for everyone," he says. You can get burned out, especially since it takes hours to make and maintain friendships. Then, too, there's greater risk of dysfunction with more people, each with quirks, needs and expectations.

 

On average, Americans have between three and five close friends. More than one-third have between four and nine close friends; 13% have 10 or more, according to the American Perspectives Survey.

 

Bill Kiernan falls into the "average" category. He has five close childhood friends he affectionately calls knuckleheads, although a couple are doctors and one is an atomic physicist. They went to Catholic schools together in Poughkeepsie, N.Y., played baseball, rode bikes and hung out at each other's homes.

 

More than 50 years later, scattered around the country, they text almost daily and have annual get-togethers.

 

When a friend couldn't make a trip along Route 66 to celebrate their 66th birthday, they bought an inflatable dummy, added his image and included it in group photos.

 

During long drives, conversation doesn't stop. They talk about their families, world events and growing up. He says he's far closer to the five friends he sees once a year than he is to his golfing buddies, who play weekly.

 

Gender plays a role in magic numbers, says Beverley Fehr, an author and psychologist. Men tend to have bigger friend groups because they feel they don't need to spend a lot of one-on-one time to feel close. Coffee every six months suffices.

 

Women, she says, have higher expectations for the amount of time they should spend with close friends, so they may limit the number of friends. Bigger groups also increase the risk of secrets leaking out. "Breaches of trust are a little more likely to happen with a larger group of close friends," she says.

 

Catherine Balck has many acquaintances and casual friends, but only one best friend, Linda Coss. They met in college, after discovering neither wanted to join a sorority.

 

The two counsel each other about major things -- children, new jobs, aging parents and health -- and minor ones, like what to make for dinner. When Balck moved 1,000 miles away, they committed to at least one annual trip, hourlong phone calls on Thursdays and multiple texts in between.

 

"We share things we wouldn't share with anyone else, even our spouses," says Balck. If she has a tough situation at work, she says, she will mention it to her husband and unpack it with her best friend. They've gone through so much together, she says, it's "easy to get to the hard stuff really quick."

 

Connections can seem superficial in large groups, but it really depends on how you define closeness.

 

Men, says Fehr, often feel they can be close, regardless of numbers, by doing things together.

 

Every summer, William Bugg invites about 15 of his close college friends to his cabin for a weekend of fishing and golfing. They eat meals together, laugh and talk about sports. Some of their adult sons have joined the getaway. The person who catches the biggest fish goes home with an engraved pewter cup. Bugg says their bonds are close because they can be carefree together. The group is a refuge.

 

"We're just there to enjoy each other's company," he says.

 

Our magic number is fluid and unique to each of us. It's high in our youth, then gets smaller the further we get into adulthood. Busy midlife can be the hardest time to keep close ties.

 

The Cedar Hill Country Club friends found a way. The group came together at Sedalia, Mo., high school, scrounged up money and bought a caboose from a local salvage yard. They parked it in the pasture of one friend's farm, called it the Cedar Hill Country Club, and had countless sleepovers during high school and college.

 

Eventually, they married. Most moved away, but the group kept in touch by emailing, texting and calling. When they were in their 50s and realizing how lucky they were to have each other, they came up with two projects to honor their friendship.

 

The first was the Cedar Hill Scholarship, awarded to the hometown high-school senior who demonstrated service to others. The second was a private Cedar Hill podcast, with club members talking about cars, teachers, sports and their close connections.

 

"We still get so much from each other, especially now in later years," says Mike Heembrock.” [1]

 

1. Turning Points: What Is Magic Number For Close Friends? --- The number varies for people and changes in phases of life. Ansberry, Clare.  Wall Street Journal, Eastern edition; New York, N.Y.. 25 Mar 2026: A13.