C-Suite Strategies (A Special Report) --- The Secret to Getting Colleagues to Say 'Yes' When You Ask for Something: People are more willing than we believe to agree to our requests. The trick is knowing how to ask.

“Most of us hate asking for things in the office. We don't want to impose. We anticipate rejection. It's just plain awkward.

 

That discomfort can lead us to ask for what we want in ineffective ways -- or avoid asking altogether. We may bend over backward to make a meeting on time rather than simply asking to push it back 15 minutes, assume a deadline is firm without checking whether there's any flexibility, or offer vague complaints about needing extra help instead of actually requesting an additional team member.

 

It doesn't have to be like this.

 

Decades of research has found that people are far more willing to agree to our requests than we think -- provided we know how to ask. And knowing how to ask isn't as complicated as we imagine. We just need to keep these few things in mind:

 

1. Ask directly

 

When you ask for something, make sure you actually ask for it.

 

Imagine your colleague says to you, "You know Steve, right? I'd really like to get connected with him."

 

How would you respond? You might say, "Steve's a really nice guy," or "You should go up to him at happy hour on Thursday." Both are friendly, supportive responses. However, neither answers the question your colleague thinks is being asked.

 

Now imagine instead the colleague says, "You know Steve, right? Would you be willing to connect me with him?"

 

Now there's no ambiguity. You know exactly what is being asked, and there is a yes or no answer to the question.

 

While this difference might seem obvious when we're on the receiving end of a request, it's much less obvious when we're the ones asking. In research I conducted with Francis Flynn, a professor at the Stanford Graduate School of Business, people asking for help tended to think that indirect requests would work just as well as direct ones.

 

In other words, we often think we're asking for something when really we're just hinting.

 

2. Ask in person

 

If possible, ask in person. If not, make a call. Don't ask by email.

 

In a study I conducted with Mahdi Roghanizad, an associate professor at the Ted Rogers School of Management, we found that people were 34 times more likely to say yes to a face-to-face request than to an emailed request.

 

While that study looked at requests made of strangers, in another set of studies we had participants make requests of people they knew. In one of those studies, participants asked five friends in person to help them with a brief proofreading task. Eighty percent of the people they asked agreed. In another study, participants made the same request by email, and only 29% agreed.

 

Email was also less effective than a phone call or video call. Both kinds of calls netted agreement from a little over 50% of both strangers and friends.

 

But again, this isn't something most people making requests are aware of. When we asked participants in these studies to predict how many people would agree to their requests, they expected the means of communication to make little difference.

 

When you combine our tendency to underestimate the value of asking in person with the convenience and comfort of firing off an email instead of walking down the hall or picking up the phone, it's easy to see why we can so often default to the least effective way of asking.

 

3. Assume a 'yes'

 

When you're asking for something, assume the other person is likely to say "yes."

 

My research over the past 20 years has consistently found that we underestimate the likelihood that people will agree to our requests. Participants in my colleagues' and my studies have asked more than 15,000 people for something -- to lend a cellphone, donate to charity, locate a difficult-to-find building, count beans (literally). Before making these requests, we had participants guess how many people would agree. On average, we have found that people are about twice as likely to say "yes" to requests as our participants typically expect.

 

Keeping this in mind should give you more confidence to ask. But just as important, it should help you to strike the right tone when you do. If you're anticipating a yes, there's no need to be overly -- and counterproductively -- assertive. And because you're no longer expecting rejection, there's also no need to hedge, apologize or ask for less than what you really want.

 

4. Aim for more than 'yes'

 

When someone agrees because they feel compelled -- not because they genuinely thought about and committed to their choice -- they may end up regretting their decision, resenting the asker, or even backing out of the agreement later.

 

So, once you've made your best pitch, give the other person some time to think. You can do that after you've made your request, by telling the person to take a day to think about the answer. Or you can do it beforehand, by emailing someone a "heads up" about what you are planning to ask. Both are ways to show people you respect their autonomy, and trust that your requests have merit on their own.

 

A direct, in-person, self-assured request will help you get to "yes." Taking the extra step of honoring the other person's autonomy will help you get even more -- a genuine, voluntary "yes."

 

---

 

Vanessa Bohns is a professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University and author of "Should I Say Something? The Science of What to Share -- and What to Keep to Yourself." She can be reached at reports@wsj.com.” [A]

 

A. C-Suite Strategies (A Special Report) --- The Secret to Getting Colleagues to Say 'Yes' When You Ask for Something: People are more willing than we believe to agree to our requests. The trick is knowing how to ask. Bohns, Vanessa.  Wall Street Journal, Eastern edition; New York, N.Y.. 19 Oct 2026: R1.